My father shared that his great, great grandfather was one of the last confederate soldiers to walk out of the battle of Atlanta when it was burned to the ground in the civil war. He eventually walked back to his home in Pensacola Florida after the fighting. My father confided that the men folk said that my ancestor came back from the Civil War a war hero but the women folk said he came back a broken man. Whatever the case, the men in my father’s family seemed emotionally shut down and unavailable since that time. They didn’t share their feelings and were stoic as many men are and were emotionally isolated for the most part. My father tells stories of his father frequently waking up screaming in the middle of the night and no one in their family ever talked about it.
True to the pattern, my father was emotionally unavailable and was not the kind to talk about feelings or spend time bonding with his children. In many ways he was a great man. He worked hard, helped others and was kind, fair, loyal and devoted to his wife and children, but we couldn’t emotionally connect and I often felt abandoned and unable to express my feelings or connect with others. I learned the patterns of emotional isolation of the men in my family and have spent the greater part of my adult life shedding these walls and learning to get through my emotional barriers to connect with others on a more genuine and real way.
These type of unresolved emotional issues from our lives and from our family history get passed down to you and your children through your parents and through the generations of your ancestors. These issues create anxiety, stress and emotional suffering, especially when you look outside yourself to temporary solutions to find your answers. The solution is to look within yourself to understand and release the fears and the dysfunctional patterns of relating and thinking that you have been taught.
Instead of looking within to heal these types of emotional blocks we often try to find some external solution to the emotional turmoil we often feel from these issues. We may try to find a better romantic partner, the right house or financial situation, or recognition, power or fame. When we find a great partner, or more money, or the right house, it’s funny how these things never seem to satisfy, so we continue to look for more, better or different, and we tend to ignore the one place where our answers remain waiting patiently waiting for us. Within yourself are all the answers you seek. Within. Within. Within.
If it’s helpful, you can use these three steps to reconnect with your inner Self:
1. Self-Reflect – Whenever you are triggered or upset with any given situation, instead of seeking ego-gratification or some experience or relationship or external solution to your feelings, look within. See to understand the nature of your fears that is causing your anxiety and discomfort.
2. Release – Question your fears. See through the illusions of your negative self-esteem, or feelings of powerlessness or isolation or whatever it is that has you emotionally stuck. Release your fears and reconnect with the truth of Love that is your essential nature.
3. Look at your challenging life situations with new eyes and with a more enlightened and loving perspective. Know that everything is for the good, even if you don’t at first see the healing. Engage in your life challenges with a more loving and enlightened perspective.
Your true nature is love and that experience of your true Self is the only thing that will ever satisfy you fully. You are a child of God. Your nature is Divine love and that is the only place where you will ever find peace. When you remove your personal fears and barriers to love’s presence, then you will be able to share that deep loving connection with others and see the divine, loving nature of those around you and experience your loving connection with others. While you walk this earth, you will seek for happiness and fulfillment. That is what we do here on this planet. Just remember to look in the one place where you can actually find what you are looking for. Within.
